Sweet Weekend

Walking back to my desk after a meeting, I noticed all the IT guys seemed to be munching on large bags of candy. Then I came upon one with my favorite donut (chocolate-iced, cream-filled bismark) just sitting there on a desk. Oh! That was a Thursday, and it started up a terrible craving. I wanted to go out for a donut on Friday but wasn’t able, so I told Giant Husband that night that come Saterday morning, we were getting donuts. And that we did. But they looked so pretty, and there were so many options to try, that Giant Husband wanted to buy a whole dozen, and I simply couldn’t say no. That started our weekend of sugar.

Later, when we went out for groceries on Sunday, we decided to grab some lunch at the Costco… deli? I guess it’s a deli. It’s always so busy it must be pretty good. The ice cream and smoothies looked tempting, but we’d already had too much sugar, right? So I waited with the cart while GH grabbed us some sammiches. And what do you know? He also got a churro. A SUGAR STICK!

So he ate that stick of sugar. And not only did it get all over my car and his clothes, it took up residence on his face.

And that was our weekend of sugar, and how Giant Husband got his new nickname: Sugar Beard.

Granny’s Delight

So some coworkers and I were talking about the cut-throat world of bread-manufacturing (not even kidding), and one of them looked up the packaging online. The initiator, the friend of a bread king, realized he hadn’t checked out his friend’s site, and simply googled “granny’s delight.” At work.

GILFs, man. GILFs.

It’s Just Resting

A guy at work told me about forgetting his coffee press in a conference room. He went back and it was gone.

Later, he found it on a table by the copier.

Turns out the table had been moved, and the coffee press simply went with it.

I told him he needs to think like a physicist. An object at rest stays at rest. The item on the table stays with the table.

 

Eyebrows on What?

I didn’t used to worry too much about my eyebrows’ appearance. I don’t have that much in the way of eyebrows anyway, so the thin look was just fine with me. I’d keep them shaped nicely, and well, that was about it. But then bushy became a thing. Now I’m really not fond of the look anyway, so I don’t mind that I simply can’t do it myself, but with this new look came a lot more attention to the once-barely-existent brow. And bushy or not, they now need to be “on fleek” apparently.

So now instead of a simple look to see if the hairs are in place, I must spend more time each morning on my eyebrows. Today I tried to fill them in a bit with an eyebrow pencil. To my dismay, I found that the typical eyebrow shade for blond-haired individuals is actually too light brown for me – mine seem much darker in comparison. So now I have kind of a multi-shaded, defined brow. I’m definitely feeling more brow-ish today. Instead of “yes, I have eyebrows, don’t we all?” I’m feeling more “eyebrows!”

I’m not too sure what on fleek is, but I don’t think this is it.

Shelf Bras – A Shelf for Your Boobs?

Girls, you know how it is. You go to a clothing store. Find some cute tops. Try on one of those spaghetti-strap/camisole/cami types and notice: There is an extra layer of fabric in there. But it only reaches halfway. And it ends in elastic. Enter the built-in shelf “bra.”

I don’t really get the point of these built-in supposed bras. If you’re cute and tiny. Thin. An A-cup. Tops with built-in bras like these probably work for you. Give you just enough coverage and keep things in place so you can flit around in the summer heat and no one’s the wiser. But for us C-cup or larger women? Do these spaghetti-strap-built-ins give us a nice boost, some extra coverage, or allow us to go braless? Not a chance. You know what these extra pieces of elastic do under our bustlines? They pull the shirt necklines down.

Many woman wear camisoles almost daily. They serve to assuage a low neckline, add to a crop top for those not wishing to show the skin, or keep one appropriate under a completely sheer blouse. But that only works if you can wear a built-in-shelf camisole without the neckline-down/bustline-up issue or find a cami without that obnoxious bit of elastic. And those can be damn near impossible to find. They may even be endangered.

And thus my dilemma. If I wanted to uncomfortably push up what-I-got then I’d have endless possibilities – every color of the rainbow. But my point to wearing an extra layer of clothing today was to cover what the first one did not. One piece kind of cancels out the other in this scenario, you see. So unless clothing companies start providing realistically-sized pieces of boobie-material in “shelf bra” tops or begin producing a higher number of plain, old, no-extra-elastic camisoles, I guess I’m left to my own devices. Or this.

Your bosom friend,

sweettems

Dear McCormick

Dear McCormick,

What did you do to the pure vanilla extract cap? It was absolutely fine for years, and then you changed it. Why? Didn’t anyone ever tell you not to mess with a good thing?

This large, waterslide-like contraption is no good, McCormick! This is vanilla we’re talking about, not vodka. There is no possible way to pore only a teeny bit of anything out of this bottle. And unless you’re like my husband’s brother as a teenager and actually want to down pure vanilla in an attempt to get drunk, you only want a teeny, tiny bit at a time.

And I know I’m not the only one who doesn’t care for this new cap, McCormick. Though I only live with my husband, I have a large family, and whenever one or more of them come to visit we invariably bake sweets. At some point in the process of baking cookies, chocolate lava cake, banana bread, cake, brownies, or any combination thereof, someone will grab the vanilla extract bottle and inevitably proclaim, “What’s with this vanilla cap? It sucks!” And I’ll reply, “Yes, yes it does.”

So I ask you, McCormick, we ask you, to go back to the original design of the vanilla cap. No one wants bad-tasting cookies, vanilla-reeking and stained counter tops, or to get drunk on nasty-tasting alcohol while the oven and mixer are both on. This will only result in lawsuits, McCormick, and death.

Yours in baking,

sweettems

 

The cap on this bottle sucks.

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