My boss’s boss came over to look at something on my computer. He motioned a lot as he talked about this change or that addition. The problem was, for some reason he was holding a highlighter in his hand as he did this. An open highlighter. No lid in sight. Not only was I concerned he might end up highlighting a word right on my monitor, I was pretty worried about my own person – specifically my brand new top.
Beware of very animated, highlighter-wielding bosses.
My cat likes to watch me get ready for work each weekday morning. He’ll sit in the hall, staring intently through the bedroom doorway as I get dressed. This leads me to think he may have been a dirty old man in a past life.
One morning as he inched down the hallway to peer at me closer, I wondered what he’d say if he could talk. Would it be “hey, looking good today” like a peeping Tom(cat) roommate, or would he mutter something inappropriate like that perverted character from Family Guy?
Or he is really, truly just a cat, and likely to exclaim “WTF! What the hell did you do with your fur?!”
You’ve heard of fair-weather friends? Well, my cat’s a fair-food friend. He’ll give you the time of day, if you’ve got noms he thinks he wants.
I walked into work the other morning while the wind blew my hair all over creation, as usual (no good hair days where I work). I saw a wasp headed straight for me, and ducked. But unfortunately the nasty creature flew right into my mess of purple hair. And got tangled up in it. What was I to do?? I could feel it, but I knew if I blindly tried to use my hands to help it along I’d likely get stung. Luckily it eventually extricated itself, though I was left with the creepy-crawlies the rest of the day.
This awful incident reminded me of a similar experience years ago.
Once when I was a teen, one of those large wasps with the incredibly long legs got into the house. It was flying around the front window and keeping us from going anywhere near the living room. Well, some of us anyway. So Mum told my oldest bro to get rid of it (in other words, smash it to smithereens!), but my brother didn’t care much for the task and put it off a while – lazy bastard. Thus when he was finally pressured into it, the wasp was nowhere to be found. “Oh well,” he said. “Must have gotten out.” Oh, no it didn’t!
The next morning I got up and got ready for school. I had just stepped out of the shower, toweled off a bit, and was wrapping my towel around myself as I felt some water droplets on my leg that seemed… strange. Something not quite right. I looked down to see that very large, and very wet, wasp sidle down my foot and onto the floor. I was shook, I tell you, and got out of there FAST. And had some very choice, and very loud, words for my brother.
I surprisingly didn’t get stung though. Had I noticed the horrible, stingy thing a second sooner, when it was higher up on my leg, I would have had more time to freak the fuck out before it reached the floor, and I’m sure it would have stung me in panic. Probably in pleasure too, the awful thing.
Needless to say, I’m not a fan of wearing wasps.
Watching a show about British castles when this guy comes up: James IV.
But wait. Isn’t that Johnny Depp??
Maybe he is a vampire…
A guy in a meeting today had a huge water bottle. Just YUGE. The label on the bottle had a large H with little lines on each side, making it look like a weight bar.
Talk about killing two birds with one stone – work out your arms while you hydrate, with plenty of incentive to drink your H2O to give your arms a break.
Plus a TON of bathroom breaks.
Everyone’s so into green smoothies these days. A coworker keeps insisting you can add a handful of spinach to anything and you won’t even taste it. I don’t know about that. To me, spinach tastes like eating a handful of grass freshly pulled out of the yard.
Here’s a green shake for you: throw in some peas, an avocado, a green banana, and that grassy-spinach.
Then fill the rest with vodka, ’cause that shit’s going down hard.
I wanted to add some pink to my fading purple hair. The dye didn’t take too well to my tresses, but it did, however, stain my head rather well.
As Giant Husband put it: it looks like I got in a fight with a pink highlighter.
And the highlighter won.
Only ponytails for me for a while.
My mom and her current husband came to visit for a bit. It was nice to see them, though they didn’t enjoy the drive much. They said that some guy in a truck tailgated their SUV and followed them around (not at all unusual). Apparently the guy drove so closely that they “couldn’t even see the truck’s bumper in the rearview mirror.”
I thought about that, and you know what? I can seldom ever see the bumpers of the vehicles driving behind me. They always drive that closely. That’s just driving in Utah.
I hate driving here.
My fourth grade teacher told me I had amazing handwriting – just perfect. This was not a good thing to tell me though.
Where was I to go when I had already reached the top, and at such a young age?
I focused on my a‘s and t‘s for a while as I wanted a different look. And my y‘s and g‘s have kind of morphed on their own. But I like them – they’ve got style.
Yet overall, my penmanship has gone downhill ever since. No ups, just downs. These days I can barely read it myself sometimes.
But I try to look on the positive side. Maybe people will think I’m a doctor?
