Category: Thoughts

He Likes to Watch

My cat likes to watch me get ready for work each weekday morning. He’ll sit in the hall, staring intently through the bedroom doorway as I get dressed. This leads me to think he may have been a dirty old man in a past life.

One morning as he inched down the hallway to peer at me closer, I wondered what he’d say if he could talk. Would it be “hey, looking good today” like a peeping Tom(cat) roommate, or would he mutter something inappropriate like that perverted character from Family Guy?

Or he is really, truly just a cat, and likely to exclaim “WTF! What the hell did you do with your fur?!”

Green Smoothie?

Everyone’s so into green smoothies these days. A coworker keeps insisting you can add a handful of spinach to anything and you won’t even taste it. I don’t know about that. To me, spinach tastes like eating a handful of grass freshly pulled out of the yard.

Here’s a green shake for you: throw in some peas, an avocado, a green banana, and that grassy-spinach.

Then fill the rest with vodka, ’cause that shit’s going down hard.

Penmanship Perfection

My fourth grade teacher told me I had amazing handwriting – just perfect. This was not a good thing to tell me though.

Where was I to go when I had already reached the top, and at such a young age?

I focused on my a‘s and t‘s for a while as I wanted a different look. And my y‘s and g‘s have kind of morphed on their own. But I like them – they’ve got style.

Yet overall, my penmanship has gone downhill ever since. No ups, just downs. These days I can barely read it myself sometimes.

But I try to look on the positive side. Maybe people will think I’m a doctor?

 

The In-Between

Really young children can say incredibly rude things pointblank and get away with it. Because they’re little. They don’t know better.

Really old individuals can call you the unthinkable right to your face. But that’s okay. Because they’re old; they’ve put in their time. And they forget things.

I’m somewhere in the middle. Where I have to be nice to everyone all the time. Because unlike the old and very young, I should know better and better not forget it.

It sucks.

The Taste of Plastic Milk

There’s something weird about eating milk and cereal off a plastic spoon. I’m not sure how to describe it, but something about how the milk slides on the plastic is just not right.

I avoid plastic spoons anyway as they’re wasteful, but my top reason is not actually the environment. It’s the feeling of eating off of one. Those things are manufactured in Hell, I swear.